Goodbye.Be back later. :-)

Introduction to Tumblr

I joined Tumblr a long time ago, initially it was just to vent and find help while I was loosing my ex-fiance during the midst of losing my ultimate job, twice in a week, almost losing my family and having had to move back from America. On my side it was very public. I loved that girl to bits at the time. She was Tumblrfamous and the guy she left me for was the biggest Tumblr creep. I think a large part of me thought If I could understand, perhaps learn what everyone loved about him, then maybe I could win her back. I needed some control in my life; I had turned bulimic and was deeply depressed.

Deeper into the Rabbit Hole

Everyone on Tumblr was so nice and kind. My first talk being with Lickystickypicky. They helped me out and gave me a shoulder to cry on. On my next visit to San Francisco, a few Tumblfriends in L.A. told me to come to the Tumblr meetup. I don't have much memories from that night, but standing in my boxers dripping wet from the hot tub introducing myself to people is my favourite. I had a very intense fling with a girl (where I learned "It's okay to be broken") that I adored too much, but it wasn't to be. After that Tumblrfamous mess, I go back to England. I get fucked over by both sets of friends that I had met; both for ridiculous reasons.

Then it brought me to fall in love with another but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be, but it teaches me a lot about myself that I never thought possible.

I discover first hand what it is like to be mistreated in a bad relationship with another girl. It opens my eyes to a lot.

Understanding Myself

I start to realise how fake people on this earth truly are. And that not everyone has the wants nor the abilities to be honest nor unselfish. Though I do find out there are a few special people out there. A few people worth my time and attention. I start to realise what makes me different from other people; my strengths and weaknesses, Thanks to Tumblr. I knew I was mature beyond my years in some ways before, but I mature other ways and find myself finally in knowledge of everything that makes me. I finally take some peace in the horrors of my childhood and the things that have me permanently broken. I learnt that I can't not help people; the week that I decided I would not help anyone; I found myself trying to help a mother with her marital problems and ex boyfriend problems (all Tumblrs). I know what it's like to go through dark shit and not have anyone, and so I can not help but try and make no one else go through the same... no matter how much it hurts me.

Resolve Thyself

The cause of my suicidal feelings are usually only logic based. The sort of person I am; the want to help anyone and everyone, even if it hurts me; the kind of guy who platonically falls in love with everyone I meet, the kind of guy who is used to online interaction meaning "something". Most people on Tumblr are not the same, and I find myself chasing words of support that are only to put their own conscience at ease.

Tumblr has done a lot for me over the last year I have been on it; I have felt what it is like to be stalked, I have fallen in love, I have fallen in like, I have failed romances and I have come out a better person. But I need some "Me Time" to try and grow myself and be okay with all the bad things going on and how to deal with the reality of that not everyone is like me, and the the fact that that currently holds me back.

So what now, chap?

I hope you stick around and carry on following me. I will probably post once in a while still (and there's a good chance i'll be permanently back at a later point). All my other Tumblrs have moderators and/or will carry on being moderated. There are plenty of Tumblrs for your viewing pleasure that are worth following: